The Benefits of Eating Donuts Daily

I'm so happy for donuts. It seems like they are on the cusp of finally achieving the fancy, gourmet status they have long well earned. First, cupcakes had their heyday, then whoopie pies seem to have deservedly earned a fluttering of good press and even Starbucks is now carrying them, but donuts have long been relegated as an "inferior" treat- delicious, but not classy. Scrumptious, but not a real or "serious" dessert, like a slice of cake or pie, or tiramisu or even a scoop of ice-cream. (Just writing that makes me recoil in fury!) It is only recently that fine, more upscale restaurants are adding donuts to their dessert menu. The restaurant industry should be deeply embarassed for not hopping to it sooner. Foodies who have snobbishly shunned donuts aside will have to plead their case someday before the pearly gates of DOOM.

So much has been said of how "bad" donuts are for you. But one donut daily?  And part of a well balanced diet of fruits, vegetables, and exercise? Imagine a world where everyone ate one every day. I can't seem to find anything online about the advantages of eating donuts daily.  So, here is my list. Please feel free to add your reasons below if I've left any out.

The Benefits of Eating Donuts Every Single Day for the Rest of Your Life

image from http://www,blog.rosemontapthomes.com

1. Donuts make people happy. Very happy. Instantly. I dare you to bite into your favorite donut and be miserable at the same time. You can't! You are suspended in a little bubble of donut blissitude.

2.  This time tomorrow you may be dead. Remember the quote by Erma Bombeck? ...."Eat dessert. Think of all the women on the Titanic who waved away dessert." If your number comes floating down on your cheek tomorrow and the Grim Reaper taps you on the shoulder, you don't want your last thought to be "Shoot! I should have eaten that maple bar" or "If only I had gobbled up that apple blueberry fritter." The Grim Reaper isn't very likely to let you make one last stop at your favorite donut stop. Research has shown that among the regrets seniors have on their death beds is not only wishing they had worked less at the office but also a wish that they had gobbled up more donuts throughout their lives with more reckless abandon and unabashed glee.

3. Research suggests that people who eat donuts are actually kinder to others. Scientists hypothesize that some type of magical alchemy occurs in the donut frying process that once processed through in your belly leads to a measurable change in behavior. People who eat at least five donuts weekly open more doors for others, donate more to philanthropic causes, and have far lower rates of depression and anxiety.  Those who consume between six and seven donuts per week demonstrate even happier results. This group is also found to grow thicker, healthier hair, have less pimples, and smoother, more pleasantly curved elbows. Daily donut nibblers also tend to skip more, have prettier teeth, rosier cheeks, and smell better than donut shunners.

4. The couple that eat donuts together stays together. Literally. Couples who make it a daily ritual to eat donuts together for breakfast cut their divorce rate by nearly eighty eight percent. They report extraordinarily high rates of happiness and connection in their marriage. Donuts seem to create a protective shield of sorts around the relationship that make the daily struggles and challenges thrust upon it more impenetrable and resilient. Scientists are seeking to pinpoint if these couples are just happier because they are eating donuts every day or if there is something in the donut ingredients themselves that repel misery from infiltrating the cells and spirits of donut guzzlers.

Image from http://www.sluniverse.com

5. And the most important reason is that they are just so very tasty. And so bright and colorful and decorated in frosting and toppings. Why deny yourself?  Up your exercise if you have to. Cut out alcohol, or bread, or fruit even, but not donuts. Never donuts. Not ever ever ever. Ever. ever
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