Magical Monday Post One: TRUCE

Every Monday, I'm going to try and post something on weight related issues, maybe with some journal questions attached at each post's end. A few years ago, I lost over sixty pounds and I remember all too well the struggles. Of course, the worst part is the dumb and mean judgments of others, as if our beauty, worth, and value could ever be measured in inches anyway. It cannot. Still, the judgments stung. Between Weight Watchers and some of my own created steps, I did manage to reach a healthy weight again but its an ongoing challenge to be managed because I have a bottomless sweet tooth and a bottomless salt tooth. And then, behind my front set of teeth that are displayed to the world, I have another set of 32 teeth, hidden behind the trapdoor which is my tongue. This second set must have a regular feed of cupcakes and buttered movie popcorn or it will destroy everything in its wake. Anyway, hopefully sharing some of what has helped me can help others too if managing weight stuff for those whom it is also a challenge.

Magical Monday #1: CREATING A TRUCE

(Please note that if you like this "Truce" image, there are prints of it for sale right here!)
Have you ever been a victim of what I like to call "Magical Monday Syndrome?" or "Magical First Day of Next Month I Will Begin My Weight Loss Program?" or "Magical After I Get Back From Vacation Syndrome I Will....(fill in the blank)?" What all of these have in common is the belief that there is some day out there, just beyond the moment we are in, where it is okay to eat a gigantic bowl of gelato because “Monday I am starting a diet and it is going to go perfectly and somehow all will snap into place. The weight will be "ready" to march off my buttocks just like obedient soldiers, all while grabbing bushels of cellulite with them on their march out!"How many times did I shoo away my long term health goals for some short term dessert booty all the while convincing myself that it was "okay" because Magical Monday was coming?

...(Sidebar: Not that we shouldn't indulge or that a bowl full of gelato doesn't have its place in life! You are reading the words of someone who plans to use 20- nearly half- of her Weight Watchers flex points allowance every Saturday each time she reaches WW goal of the week. For more on that!, read this!)(Swiping cake evidence from that post to prove that I definitely don't believe in deprivation as a habit!)

So often we can be misguided into thinking that if we can just be a little bit harsher with ourselves, we'll somehow "snap into line" like good little children. We tell ourselves we are "misbehaving" when we indulge in something that isn't in our best interest. Do you ever catch yourself saying things like "I'm being so bad right now!” as you wolf down a pack of fries or half a dozen slices of cheesecake? And then underneath it you feel a mountain of sludgy guilt slowly creep your way before long? As the binge-induced bliss subsides, it is replaced by an avalanche of verbal assaults meant to punish us for our "bad behavior."

My experience is that when I treat myself like a little child, this has a tendency to promote even more acting out. When I was a child, I use to hide a small candy canteen under my bed. If you'd reached your hand underneath the mattress, a secret wonderland of "forbidden" snacks awaited you- Twinkies, Cheetos, Whatchamacalits, Nerds, Dots, Bit-o-Honey's, Nacho Cheese Doritos, Ding Dongs. I was raising an entire Hostess family all on my own. Now, if my parents had known about it, I would have been "in trouble." And, sadly, a rich opportunity would have been lost. In that same vein, when we judge and condemn our own health habits, or narrowly define our food patterns as "good" or "bad," we miss out on unveiling the deeper reasons why we are choosing food for comfort instead of something more soul and body sustaining. More importantly, it becomes a cutting way in which we withhold love and compassion from ourselves.

If you are anything like I was when I started my own first successful weight loss process, you might feel fear or even anger at this suggestion of calling a truce with your body. Or you might feel disappointed, or cheated, or that you can't "trust" yourself enough to have a truce. "I need to be tougher on myself," you might be thinking. "Not less tough." How is it that we get to a place in our lives where we have one set of standards for others and another for ourselves? Why is it okay- or necessary- for one to be mean to oneself in order to lose weight? How often does that work out well?

Personally, I really like the idea of inviting ourselves to take a "temporary respite" from our habitual ways, and seeing what might happen. How much more energy might we have when it is not being siphoned off to whip ourselves into dietary submission? or guilted into a depressing state of mind?

We can create our healthiest bodies yet and be kind to ourselves in the process. Its not an “either/or” deal. Most importantly, we have the right to be whatever size we are. Period. Losing weight to have more energy and feel healthier in various ways is one thing. Feeling we have to lose weight because it is "not okay" or "not acceptable" to be the weight we are is a different story.

(Art Credit: Artist Cori Dantini- "TRUCE" print can be purchased on her Etsy site, along with many other wonderful prints of hers. She also has a great blog here. She is one of my very favorite Northwest artists.)

Challenges/Questions:

1) A truce means a truce across the board on multiple levels. It means that when you catch yourself saying anything demeaning about your body or personhood, you are going to notice it, catch yourself, and aim to replace your inner self talk with something more respectful. Therapist/author, Terry Real, often talks with couples about having the functional adult within ourselves "grab the greasy wheel" out of the hands of our reactive, inner child. There will be more on that subject later, but for now, the idea might help as you create healthier, kinder, and more respectful ways of supporting your health habits. When you find yourself saying something harsh towards yourself, consider a mantra such as "I am enough and worthy exactly as I am," or "My value is not dependent on the size of my pants or the number on a scale."Take a few moments to consider what your mantra might be. Feel free to share it here. You can use the one above or create your own. Then write it in BIG letters in your notebook AND on a separate sheet of paper in large letters and place it somewhere you will definitely read it every morning. (i.e....on your dresser top, beside the toilet paper roll in your bathroom taped to the wall, in your calendar...Where will it be easy for you to see it every day?) Keep in mind it might sound phony because what has become okay and natural is to put yourself down around your size and/or food choices.

2) How can you support yourself best through the process? (Example: Is there a best time of day to usually commit your time to this process? Waking up earlier or getting away during a lunch break?

3) What are the pros of calling a truce with yourself? For one, it might allow you to experience gratitude more fully towards your body for all it does to support you through each day. Can you consider three ways right now your body takes care of you each and every moment in ways you never or rarely pause to say thank you for?