About Me

Hello and welcome to my new blog, Hello Hoobubby! Hoobubby comes from the name of the character in a children's picture book I have played with on and off for some time. My name is Alexandra and I am a therapist and writer here in Portland, Oregon. I'm not exactly sure quite yet what this blog will be all about- books? writing? love? decorating? art? travels? yodeling bats in traveling Chinese circuses? food? Definitely food! Have a wonderful day and by the way, you look very scrumptious today so watch yourself! (You can also find me at my private practice blog at http://leapbrightly.blogspot.com and at my business site at http://www.alexandrasaperstein.com )

Monday, January 17, 2011

Evil Biscuit Fairies

There are two people inside me duking it out.

One likes big houses...

The other prefers teeny, tiny houses not much bigger than a pinky...

One me looks below at this basket and says, "Mmmm, lets make a salad!"
The other me says, "Can I have some donuts to go with that salad?"
One me loves the idea of getting up early before sunrise and having run four miles by the time the first rays hit the early morning pavement.
The other me says "Yes, running and all that is very nice, very very nice, sweating and feeling like you are dying is so fun, but you know what is even better than all that silly huffing and puffing which really doesn't burn all that many calories anyway when you really stop to think about it? Being cozy, in bed...
This part of me adds..."Oh, and if you listen to me, I'll even throw in these..."
I can see a scenario where I might be lured to commit tiny, harmless misdemeanors in exchange for a tray of warm, doughy biscuits delivered to my bedside each morning. Evil biscuit fairies, keep your distance please.

It makes me think of the Brian Andreas print that says "I think my life would be easier, she said, if I could just get my selves to agree on something." The thing is anytime you choose one thing, you do have to forego something else. Every path or choice we make creates whole other pathways of unlived lives that trail out behind us, and if we turn around and look behind us, we see they are like a path that just trails off into nothingness because it wasn't invested in, nurtured, like little seedlings that withered for lack of water and sunlight. Too often in my own life, the adopted voices of fear and "practicality" had called the shots. (I'm not a violent person normally unless someone tries to swipe a cupcake from my palm, but if I could take two words into a back alley somewhere and punch them, they would be these words:


I'm increasingly convinced that those two little words have done more damage to people's long-term fulfillment and happiness than almost any other words.)

But some of these trails and seedlngs long for us to retrieve them, dust them off, cradle them in our arms,and revive them. Sort of like inner CPR for all the dreams, plans, and ideas that we either didn't or couldn't create time and structure for.

One of my favorite authors, Robert A Johnson, put it this way:

"When we find ourselves in a midlife depression, suddenly hate our spouse, our jobs, our lives – we can be sure that the unlived life is seeking our attention. When we feel restless, bored, or empty despite an outer life filled with riches, the unlived life is asking for us to engage. To not do this work will leave us depleted and despondent, with a nagging sense of ennui or failure. As you may have already discovered, doing or acquiring more does not quell your unease or dissatisfaction. Neither will “meditating on the light” or attempting to rise above the sufferings of earthly existence. Only awareness of your shadow qualities can help you to find an appropriate place for your unredeemed darkness and thereby create a more satisfying experience. To not do this work is to remain trapped in the loneliness, anxiety, and dualistic limits of the ego instead of awakening to your higher calling."

We water one area of our lives and spirits while another part slinks off to the corners, perhaps feeling neglected, abandoned. There is only so much time but I think more and more that those moments where I feel least alive are because I've forgotten or undervalued the projects most important to me. Last week, I sat with my best friend and said aloud my 2011 goals and intentions for the year, and they can be summoned up into one little five letter word.


Allow myself to always write and rewrite the best and worst book chapters of my life.

Allow for new love and possibilities to emerge.

Allow for thoughts and habits that don't serve my deepest goals, values, and needs to have a quick and painless death.

Allow for new possibilities, challenges, and adventures.

I want to be evermore increasingly conscious this year of my focus because what we focus on, in either direction, grows- grows fangs, or grows vines, grows legs and cute little elbows with feet that waltz and tap and tango, or spindly, prickly thorns with hunchbacked frames and hobbled paws. We may have many different selves crammed inside us, each with their own yellow lined notepad and its own agendas, and each part deserves a voice, but this year is about only allowing certain of those selves to actually have a vote, time at the podium, or a seat on the board who actually makes decisions. What often looks like indecisiveness for me really is just an inner tug of war between various inner selves, each with their own preferences- cupcakes vs. celery sticks, running vs. lounging, but its always up to me which part makes the final decision. This year, fear is being asked to step aside, find something new to occupy its time, like learn to braid or yodel or squaredance. Basically, it is no longer getting a paycheck in dreams deferred and safer roads taken. It needs to apply for unemployment. Wish it luck...or actually, don't!

Photo Credits I was able to locate or remember: Donut Wedding Cake by Nick Sherman/ Made by Portland's VooDoo Donuts
Bed Photo from www.decorpad.com


  1. Wonderful piece-perfect for preparing for the new year! Great!

  2. Thank you Lisa! :Leaving right now from Starbucks to come see you!

  3. "If I could take two words into a back alley somewhere and punch them, they would be these words: BE PRACTICAL."

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this. And you are TOO violent. Why do you think I always wear an umpire mask when we hang out. Do you think I like sipping my coffee through a long straw? I fear for my life!

    This post is great. I know what you mean, and if one could only manage to live *mostly* with the awareness forefront, one could I think minimize regrets greatly. I'm watching you, ready to remind you not to be practical :-)

  4. HAPPY IMPRACTICAL NEW YEAR! And may the words fly out when you sit down to write.

  5. Love your post, although it made me cry. Touched a nerve, ya think?. Nasty "Be practical" bullied my young dreams to the sidelines. I love your word ALLOW and will add it to my BELIEVE.

  6. Oh yes. Punch 'em right in the face. Uh. That felt out of character. There's very little punching in my life. Although maybe I should punch every once in a while, just a little. Actually, my brother once owned a pink panther plushie whose chin was so fabulously suited for punching, we all did it. Maybe I could fetch it out of storage.

  7. Mmmm hmmmm. Yup. My struggle these last few years has been in identifying those creative things that would give my soul wings. "Practical" has been a part of me for as long as I can remember and probably even longer, and I feel like I lack the gene needed to imagine and dream. One of the things I'd like to accomplish in the next few months is to make a list of things that seem small and doable to get the ball rolling. Then, look out!

    My word for the year is THRIVE.

    Good luck in writing those chapters!

  8. I found your blog by tooling around twitter at my agent's urgings. (Which i guess just proves her right that there is some usefulness to all this new technology in my life.) The Robert Johnson quote hits home exactly. But where do you get the nerve to actually make the necessary, HUGE changes required to live the unlived life? That's my struggle.

    Nice to know others are contemplating these things as well. Or is it just something that all writers are constantly over-worrying? A result of too much alone time?

    Beautiful pictures. Just having them onscreen brightened up my little garden, okay fine, basement brooklyn apartment.

    This is me: www.corriewachob.blogspot.com and Good luck!

  9. Kathleen- I love that! I'm going to think of this as my "year of massive impracticality!" Thanks.... ( :

    Tone-I'm not normally violent either but some words definitely take on a violent impact on our life so I'm definitely trying to look at that more.

    Julie- Is there somewhere to write you? I followed the link but it didn't go anywhere. I'll share the word "thrive" with you too!

    Elizabeth- Is there anywhere yo are writing too? Followed the link...I guess its good sometimes to have it touch a nerve if we listen to why that is on a deeper level, yes?

    Laini- I shall deal with you later, and accordingly....

    "Author"--- headed to your posts now! ( :

  10. I had a blog on book reviews, etc but full time work has taken up all my time. My reading has a job problem :( All my life, ever since I could hold a chubby pencil at least, I wanted to be a writer. My inner critic killed that dream then, and is rearing its ugly head now, as I try to write my novel. Oh, I do love to write! I find your blog and Laini's blog so inspirational. Both of you seem so friendly and approachable. 2011 is my year and the two of you are helping me and you didn't even know it! I WILL write my novel and get it out of the planning stages!! Plus, I'll be a grandmother (first time) in April, and just to keep me writing, I'm hoping to get a new blog about that underway....entitled "Becoming Nonna..." or Oma or whatever I decide to be called! Anything but Granny! I'm only 49! My daughter is 29.

  11. Hello Elizabeth,

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful message. Will you please let me know when you get your blog started? I know too all about the inner critic- ugh- I've felt immobilized all too often by it myself, but I think that finding at least one other person who really can support you and keep your spirits up is so important. I also keep a few writing books very nearby, ones that I can turn to, any page, and they give me a grounding boost- Page by Page by Heather Sellers, If You Want to Write by Brenda Ueland, Julia Cameron's books, The War of Art- each of those seems to really get the resistance part that can be so hard sometimes. Laini told me last year "The book can only defeat you if you give up!" Isn't that great? I try to remember that....I wrote it on a post-it I keep on my desk actually! ( : Congratulations too on becoming a grandmother- how exciting! Let me know about your blog...I'm waiting! ( :

  12. Great post! I love the pictures and your intentional, mindful start to the year is inspiring. I'll hold those two nasty words while you beat the crap out of them.

  13. I decided not to 'try to lose weight', but instead to get healthier. That is what I need, to be healthier. Boy, those biscuits look good.....I have some mixed berry jam that would be delicious on them......

  14. Thanks Andalucy!!! ( :

    Jennifer- I really like that approach. Its less pressure, more about setting a healthier general intention/direction. That definitely works better for me sometimes too, though at this moment I'm finding specific goals and deadlines are helping. It really varies depending on where I am at it seems.